I Think I Am Finally Legally Blonde

I hope with all my heart all of you are reading my letters aloud with British Voices, seeing as I cannot use actual stinking combo words like I"m because the dumb Spanish language does not combine words. JK I love Spanish it is so PHHRECious to me. But seriously.,come on. 
I know all the weeks of my mission are going to be crazy because I am trying to do the job of Alma and Amulek This week was especially crazy becuase right after our PDay we got invited to a funeral for  Bishop"s father. Spirits were low, sining was super off key (as usual), and the food was really ghood. Kinda likle a Ron Swanson party. Then Tuesday I had an intercambio with the feirce and goregous Her. Zarate in Grosio Prado. Their apartment is actually really good despite having no water, and I had alot of fun looking at all of the coutryish things in Chincha. Our side of Chincha, Pueblo Neuvo has a party going on like every single night with off key music and weird smells. But Grosio Prado is silent except for the many dogs. But Her. Zarate loves dogs so much, I think even more than Abby. Seriously, she names all of them and feed them bread. Every one of them, Happy, Jorge, Juevo, have a special guarding job for her and her companion Hermana Alonso. I would love to have that except I think the only dog that actually likes me here is Hermana Patty"s Max. He looks just like Doug except pretty sad. Abby would love to meet him though. I bet they would exchange pleasantries. Also Tigre, the kitten outside our apartment would be a cood companion for her. He is kinds like our guard kitten, I guess. On Wednesday and Thursday me and Rivera went to Lima for my ID, and now I am a real Peruanna! Cept I actually smile in my pictures, and no other real person in Peru does. They are all sincerely happy, but are trying to look real sophistocated. Like Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Aniston. When we had a B Day party to celebrate Dara turning 15, we all took picutres, and every single one of those kids did a funky reserved smile. It is hilarious. But now back to my adventure in Lima! I got to spend the whole day with Wilks and Paramore cuz they gotzta be legal too, and we had fun waiting in line, being repramanded by officials for our lack of fluent Spanish, and chatting like old pals. We really are actually growing into missionaries even if we don"t think it, with Paramore in Ica, me  in Chincha, and Wilks in Chorrillos. It was a relief to explain stories and concerns in English because we really are all experiencing the same homesickness, lack of fiber, and confusing language barriers. And, we all three met a family that spoke English to us! Thay are from the U.S. but the mama was born in Guatemala and they decided to more to Arequipa, Peru. Not in our mission. That was kinda a bummer, but still they are great, and will hear the gospel from other missionaries there. After we all left together, me, Paramore, and Wilks were thinking about how we could have worked with them in our own languages, but also, I still don"t think it would have been perfect. If we all were meant to be serving in the U.S. or England or Canada or wherever they are gringos, that would be our mission call, but it really is not. That was also the theme of my talk in church this week. I am totally sure I butuchered my messagewith baby grammar, but I still felt pretty confident in myself. 
And now to the investigators! next week. sorry I am a horrible missionary for not talking about them, but we have a baptism this weekend with Dara and Fabiana! more news on it next week. 
I love all of ya"ll soo much!
 sweaty Hermana Addington

 I think this picture is explanatory.

This was the time I had the BEST sleep ever in Lima, Peru. 

With love and sweats, 

Hermana Addington

Cuidado

This whole week Hma. Rivera and I have been practicing different accents. She"s had like 5 different gringas both as trainers and co companeras, and is the funniest when it comes to mimiking them with love. The sound is kinda like when you hear an older Texan lady trying to order a meal in at Rosas. Pretty great. And this week I had an intercambio with Hma. Saenz and Hma. Chavez in Pisco, the land of eternal hills! That city is great because you can hike and actually look past all the trash to see the ocean off in the distance, but I was sweating so hard afterwards I had the feeling to take a siesta. I am more of a plain lover myself. I was built for comfort and not for speed. But I still loved being with those girls. Intercambios during your mission are like the equivalent of havin a sleepover. And you really get top meet different people and actually realize you were not as bad at teaching as you thought. Sometimes being with Her. Rivera all day is hard because I hold myself up to her standard. She is a latina in her last few weeks and is really pushin it to have more lessons, more baptisms, more everything. And then I think, I have to roll my r"s like her, or I have to smile every moment of the day, or I have tp understand all those gospel questions. But then I see these other Hermana who are doing just fine with a different way of teaching, and still forget some phrases, even though they already knew the language a little before. Or they see a little boy and forget they cannot greet him with a kiss the way they do with all the other Hermanas. They are making mistakes like me and are laughing they whole time. If I have anything to learn from them. its that I can actually do this funky thing called a mission because I am meant to be here. Much of the time I think, "This would be so much easier in English," or "I could actually be healthier if I were in a place that had  more beans and less rice." (Mama ref.) But for some reason, God wants me here in Chincha speaking a language I did not know before about people"s flippin salvation. That is pretty crazy if you think about it. If I have any advice to give to missionaries serving, preemies (you know who you are), or any person that is about to do something really hard, its this: You are meant to be where you are, doing what you are doing, speaking whatever language you are speaking, because God has trust in you. The most powerful and handome being that ever was has trust in you. That is why you are here. 
I wish I had more time to write to everybody, but I want you all to know how much I love you and care about you. And I know you can do anything. 
PS. Mama and Dad I am gonna send you a Mama"s and Papa"s Day letter next week. And finally some pics too;) 
STAY SWWEEET!
Her. Hanana Banana Addington

This is Luana Sonalie, the sweetest and cutest lil Peruvian babies ever. Their Dad is Obispo Cordova. 

This is a photo of us at a multizone conference in Ica, the one with Elder Grow. I love it because my hair kinda looks half normal in this one. Plus I"m matching Hma. Douglas, which is my ultimate goal since shes is a total BABE. Like the rest of ya"ll, of course. 

DIA DE LA MAMA

This letter is for all you kids out there that have adorable Mamas. And all you adorable mamas too. I love you all! Seriously, yesterday's Mother's Day Skype call home was one of the best, most loco and memorable times of my life. I was trying to make sure everybody had time to talk to me about things I had been waiting to say for 2 months, but everybody was actually fighting for my attention. That was insane, because I remember the only things we really ever fight over are food, and television. But it was for me! I felt like a queen. 


But really this was your day, Mama. And I hope you felt like the fairest queen in all the land. Because you really are. I missed your accent, your walk, your dancing. I am sooo happy you gave birth to me and reaied me to be proud and sassy. It is a little hard to be sassy here, but I just gotta find a joke in Spanish that's mine. 
Because seriously, I cannot lose my humor here, it is one of the only things that can keep me sane. I refuse! As Tina Fey says, FOREVER YOUNG! And when I come home, I will still be like 21.5, but I will feel like a geezer. 

This week with investigators was a little like the sequel movie in a trilogy. It sucks at first, but then you find a bunch of stuff to tie you over to the end. 
Silvio fell through with church again, Fermin was totally incognito for like 3 days after someone stole his phone, and Maria Torrealba still does not feel like being baptized. 

BUT WAIT, DO NOT CHANGE THAT CHANNEL!

 Because dadadeda* Me and Rivera met a new group of cute little girls! Dara and Fabiana, lil teenage sisters are attending church and wanna be baptized on May 31st, and Katy wants that sweet salvation too, on the same day! 
That day is like 2 days before Hermana Rivera finishes her mission, and returns to good ol Honduras. I am gonna miss that little dongbird soo much. Especially because when I have a new trainer I kinda have to know what the heck is going on. Ancestors protect me! But I have a feeling in my corazon that I am gonna be okay. I have not dies of electrocution, fumigation, or contamination yet, and I think I just might be alive through capicatation..(Training in Spanish.) Sounds like the word decapitation to me. 


So, other super funny things that happened this week. The Dia de Las Mama celebration in Chincha was super jovial, with all these dancing chicas and cute little Primary kids putting on a play about elephants and giraffes. I think the Latinas dancing skills make up for the fact that they cannot keep a tune. Seriously, its really funny because they try so hard. 

Oh, and This week I got to see Elder Scott Grow of the Seventy in Ica! He was way cool, and reminds me of Gru from Despicable Me. Mostly cuz he has skinny legs and a funny nose. But his Spanish is par core, and he was super motivating. And being at the meeting with other gringas serving gave me more hope for myself. If they can kick it, I can kick it. 

Hannah is a genius......the resemblance is astonishing! 

I really cannot express how happy I was to talk to you Meg, Abby, Mama, Daddy, and Amy. You all make me get abs from chuckling and change motivate me to keep moving forward. Thank you for all your love and prayers, and I will send you each an individual email every other week. Yo prometa. 


Your sweaty missionary, 
Hermana Hannah Banana Addington


P. S. I have not actually eaten bananas in like 5 days because now they constipate me. 

P.S.S. The hijas del bishop Luana and Sonalie say Megan and Abby are like beautiful little birds. And Mama is like a beautiful cat. And Dad and Amy, you and I are pretty much like 3 cool doggies kickin it. 

CRAZY HAPPENIN'S!

(My family is planning on moving to Utah this summer, and this is Hannah's reaction.)***


I cannot believe ya'll are finally making the decision to move somewhere out of Texas! And of course you decided to do it during my mission. 
But really, I"m super happy this is happening for our family. Even though I will miss eating barbecue and going to Austin for the weirdest/coolest festivals ever, we can still have a grandioso time in Utah. And this might make it easier for me to come home at the normal set date in September 2015, because ya'll will already be close to school and whatnot. But I will never cease to tell people I'm from Texas, because truly that is my big wide home. 
Literally, because living in my apartment right now is super cramped, no joke. I remember when Dad was telling me about his first apartment as a college freshman and was washing his clothes and dishes in the sink. I"m currently doing that now. And killing bastante (too many in Spanish) cucharachas. I now know why that song exists. Seriously though, they"re everywhere. It's kinda a good stress reliever though, because when I feel angry about saying something wrong in Spanish or see another investigator miss an appointment, I can just go home a kill a big fat cucharacha. 

I have to admit, I was a little bit sad when I didn't see a new email from ya"ll last week, but I really feel fine now. I will never miss a week of writing ya'll, I promise. Especially because this is kinda like my only little key to the outside world. Well, that and the time we watched 17 miracles in the CCM. But really, I actually feel like my thoughts are a little bit more organized everyday.

This week was kinda like my salvation, because I got to have an interchange with 2 American companions from Argentina! Jk it's America, they're both from Utah, and both spending 3 months together in Canete. It's super funny, because they both talk the same in Spanish, and English. But they were really sweet, and helped me to feel a little more at home here. I could speak English to them for like 2 whole days, and used that time not to complain, but simply unload my feelings. 
And they were super receptive, because all the problems I've had with the language, my stomach, my teaching, they had too. 
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Hermana Rivera mucho, she is super strong and funny, and she knows how to speak Spanish for me when I just sound like a 5 year old, but she is still hard to explain stuff to. Our relationship right now is super tight though, tighter than my headband used to hide my greasy locks. 
I'm super excited to hear how this cute German girl is changing your lives! (My family had a German exchange student for a while.) And pretty soon, when I skype with ya'll this Sunday, I wanna hear Dad's best accent. (My dad speaks German) I hope he sounds like Utchdorf. And Megan and Abby are becoming tight with her, that's so sweet.
Yeah so the Mother's Day skype thing. I think I have about 40 minutes to talk with ya'll, no more no less, and I need to find a member"s computer to use. And I also need to contact ya'll at about 3 in the afternoon your Texas time. But, I"m going to call ya"ll at about 3:30 today, just for like 3 minutes to leave a message. It will sound like: Oh hey I'M CALLING YA'LL SUNDAY AT THIS TIME. I really wish I could connect to Amy, but I don"t know how the internet is gonna be. But I'll find out soon and let ya'll know this afternoon in the message. I can't wait! I'm so excited I might just pee my pants. 
Sincerely, 
Hermana Hannah Banana

***Everything in bold is my (Han's sister, Meg, the blogger) commentary to help your understanding of Hannah's emails.

Orale!

Orale! Thats what the Mexican Elder Orea in my district is always saying. I still have no idea what it even means. But, Orale familia! Greetings from one of the most carby countries in the world! 


My first week in the mission is finally termino, and it's been about 12 days since I have seen a real bell pepper.You would think its super easy to see fresh fruit and veggies on peoples tables here, but its harder than a snake to clean the wretched things.
Emily Culp was so right when she said that every poop in the mission is a miracle. I think I kinda know the feeling of having a baby. Especially because the other day while teaching a little kid named Alfonzo (the fonze for short(, was patting my stomach asking me if I was embarazada. Pregnant. He though I was pregnant because all this rice, papas, pan, pasta people have been feeding me turned into a cement baby in my stomach. Yup kid, i am pregnant with the baby your mama fed me just now. I think I will name him Carbo, and he shall be my pride and joy. 
But I feel alot better now thanks to Metamucil. If I need any more money this month for medicine, I will ask yall in another email. Remember, if you help a missionary in her time of need, you will receive 2 tickets to heaven! 
The Espanol is going okay. I am no Ricky Ricardo, butI know enough to get through a lesson, get around the city, and inveite people to be baptized! Yup. Me and Rivera have 4 baptisma in May. Its kinda a miracle.
 First is Silvio, a kinda slow but super sweet middle aged man. Next is Maria Torealba, and amazing widow whose had such bad luck. Her husband was earning money for the both of them because she has a bad leg, but he was killed ina hit and run 2 months ago, and now she is almost completely in poverty. Pretty much everyone here is poor, but especially her because she has no other way to work. But that is why shes also so excited for her baptism, because she can see her husband again, and feel her purpose in life. Bishop Ocumbra, whose amazing btdubs, wants to help her become a pancionesta. She deserves work. Astrid and Juan Carlos are married with 2 little kids, and are kinda amazing. They are still waiting on an answer from God about their baptism, but I am gonna bet on yes. 
Sorry in advance about not having many pics, and about the super weid typing. This week was super short, and this keyboard is kinda super weird. I cant make plural words with this thing. Meg ,my editor, can make my corrections for me though. Speaking of which, I still cant find like any new letters from yall. Super weird. 

i LOVE EACH AND EVERY STINKING ONE OF YOU MORE THAN PERUVIANS LOVE HOT DOGS. THEY PUT HOT DOGS IN EVERYTHING HERE. I MEAN EVERYTHING.
Chao, cuindense mucho, and keep it fresh. I hope to hear from each of you individually soon!

Chicaronnes

I got to my first area yeasterday, called Chincha! It's the place where the wonderful Chicharone got its name. And let me tell you what, I feel like a huge giant Cheerio amongst these tiny coco puffs. Everyone here is so small. When I met my first companera Hermana Rivera yesterday, we hugged with her hands around my waist and mine around her head. But she's great I love her so much. This is her last transfer, and she's gotta finish out strong, so I have my work cut out for me already. She sings even more than Meg does, which is kinda amazing, but her voice is so pretty.It would be sad if she was always singing off key.
It was really hard to say goodbye to all the people in the CCM, like Davis and Purse and Hunsaker, Hunt and Arroyo, but I know that we're all leaving each other for a good reason. I think once we're all in our areas we feel more at home anyway. Like we're finally becoming missionaries and not just pretending to be missionaries. The last day of class I had to teach about the law of chastity, and it was one of the most awkward things I've ever done. How I'm going to explain the need to keep abstinence in your heart when I've only grazed lips with a boy is beyond me. But it'll happen. Everything else is easy to talk about, like the  Great Apostacy and First Vision. I recited that to a taxi driver last night, a man named Lion.(He was totally bald, no mane.)
Hermana Rivera is really great about encouraging me to talk to everyone. Which shouldn't be that hard to do, since at home I hear everyone tell me to be quiet anyway. She always says "Lo maximo, esto es lo maximo!" This is the best! You're the best. I think I've hear people say the word maximo at least 50 times today. That's alot better than mejor. I think its the "h" sound that gets me.
Honestly I just think my biggest goal for right now is to just get through things. Get through a sentence, a lesson, a meal without asking to go to the bathroom 3 times. The food is really good, just too carbalicious. Like that Jim Gaffagan joke about the Domino's pizza bread bowl. I just need to search the entire city of Chincha to find one salad.
Meg's birthday was 2 days ago, and I'm so sad I couldn't have been there. Ya'll probably made two cakes, one covered in chocolate from Mama and one with almonds and coconut for Dad. Then ya'll probably sang a mixed version of the Elephant song, and Mama plugged her ears because she hates that song! lol I'm definitely sending her a present sometime, right after I find a post oficina, stamps, a box, and an actual present for her. But its gonna happen! I have mucho fe in myself.
Since I didn't see any new emails from ya'l today I'll just have to assume that everything is peachy. But I'm sweating along just fine, and want to hear from everybody really soon!
With love and carbs,
Hannah Banana

This is my first companera, Hermana Rivera. I love her like Peruvians love cats. They really love cats here. 

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS! Meg's birthday - April 21, 1997!

Happy Birthday! (Guppy's voice) I know this letter's 2 days late, but love you so much, and I know that you felt me hugging you and caressing your face in your sleep. (That came out sounding waay creepier than it sounded in my head.) I love that you've grown into a mature woman with many tight skills. I also love that you cn still make me laugh harder than anyone else. Harder than Amy can somtimes. That April fools joke you played on Dad made me laugh so hard I almost peed right in the seat of my pantalones.(spanish word for pants) Everytime I hear my companera Hermana River sing, I think of you, and how ya'll need to meet and harmonize someday. Its her dream to sing in the Tab. Choir too. This will happen if I have anything to do with it. 
I know we're far away, but just remember what Andy said. "April, when you look at the moon at night, its actually  the same moon for the same world in London." He's a real charmer. I need a man like him. But right now my boyfriend is Peru. And you, are my girlfriend, girlriend. 
I love you so much, and will send you a package soon. Son being like a month from now. It'll happen! 
Stay sweet, watch Parks and Rec, and eat some salad for me. There's like no salad here. I feel like Chriss Traiger. 
I love you!!!!